I had a new client see me during his lunch break. After a very short session we had time to chat. I told him I was studying English Literature at university (not entirely true – I’d studied it briefly in Year 11). This is when he recommended a book called Fanny Hill, a very old novel, which follows the life of a prostitute. Although I didn’t think it was that tactful, I knew I was due to read a new book and decided to order it that day. I made a list of the descriptors for penis and vagina used in the book and sent them to all my friends.
Ich hatte einen Kunden, der mich immer in meiner Mittagspause besucht hat. Nach einer sehr kurzen Session hatten wir dann etwas Zeit zu quatschen. Ich erzählte ihm, dass ich an der Uni Englische Literaturwissenschaften studiere (was nicht so ganz stimmte – ich hab das mal kurz in der 11. Klasse gehabt). Da hat er mir dann ein Buch namens “Fanny Hill” empfohlen, ein sehr alter Roman, in dem es um das Leben einer Prostituierten geht. Auch wenn ich das nicht so ganz taktvoll fand, war es eh an der Zeit für mich, ein neues Buch zu lesen und da hab ich es dann am gleichen Tag bestellt. Ich habe eine Liste angelegt mit allen Beschreibungen, die in dem Buch für Penis und Vagina vorkommen und hab diese Liste an alle meine Freunde geschickt.
Me encontré con un cliente nuevo durante su hora del almuerzo. Después de una sesión muy corta, tuvimos tiempo de conversar. Le dije que estaba estudiando literatura inglesa en la universidad (no es del todo cierto, lo estudié brevemente en el 2011). Entonces me recomendó un libro llamado Fanny Hill, una novela muy antigua, sobre la vida de una prostituta. Aunque no fue algo con mucho tacto, pretendía leer un libro nuevo y decidí ordenarlo ese día. Hice una lista de las palabras para decir pene y vagina utilizadas en el libro y se la envié a todas mis amigas.
Penis
That wonderful machine
That instrument
His affair
That capital part of man
The flaming red head
Grand movement
Fierce erect machine of his
His weapon
His red-headed champion
This weapon of pleasure
The engine of love-assaults
Horn-hard gristle
The largeness of his machine
A hard thick body
A column of the whitest Ivory
Stiff staring truncheon, red topped
His drawn weapon
Essential object of enjoyment
A stiff hard body
A maypole of so enormous a standard
A breadth of animated Ivory
An object of terror and delight
Oversized machine
This furious engine
Unwieldy machine
Monstrous machine
Furious battering ram
Conduit pipe
The proud distinction of his sex
Pleasing object of all my wishes
The King member
Long white staff
Genuine sensitive plant
Standard of distinction
The battering piece
Stiff stake
Vagina
Greasy landscape
Grizzly bush
Small tender part
Red centred cleft of flesh
Invisible slit
Recently opened wound
That soft passage
Wounded torn passage
Torn tender folds
Centre of attraction
The cloven spot
Young novice
Warm and insufficient orifice
The tender opening
Soft strait passage
Flesh wound
Region of delight
Pouting-lipped mouth
Soft pleasure-conduit
A furnace-mouth
Pleasure-thirsty channel
Nether mouth
Minute opening
Soft laboratory of love
Cloven inlet
Treasury of love
Rose-lipt overture
Tender furrow
Organ of bliss
Soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure
Penis
That wonderful machine
That instrument
His affair
That capital part of man
The flaming red head
Grand movement
Fierce erect machine of his
His weapon
His red-headed champion
This weapon of pleasure
The engine of love-assaults
Horn-hard gristle
The largeness of his machine
A hard thick body
A column of the whitest Ivory
Stiff staring truncheon, red topped
His drawn weapon
Essential object of enjoyment
A stiff hard body
A maypole of so enormous a standard
A breadth of animated Ivory
An object of terror and delight
Oversized machine
This furious engine
Unwieldy machine
Monstrous machine
Furious battering ram
Conduit pipe
The proud distinction of his sex
Pleasing object of all my wishes
The King member
Long white staff
Genuine sensitive plant
Standard of distinction
The battering piece
Stiff stake
Vagina
Greasy landscape
Grizzly bush
Small tender part
Red centred cleft of flesh
Invisible slit
Recently opened wound
That soft passage
Wounded torn passage
Torn tender folds
Centre of attraction
The cloven spot
Young novice
Warm and insufficient orifice
The tender opening
Soft strait passage
Flesh wound
Region of delight
Pouting-lipped mouth
Soft pleasure-conduit
A furnace-mouth
Pleasure-thirsty channel
Nether mouth
Minute opening
Soft laboratory of love
Cloven inlet
Treasury of love
Rose-lipt overture
Tender furrow
Organ of bliss
Soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure
Penis
That wonderful machine
That instrument
His affair
That capital part of man
The flaming red head
Grand movement
Fierce erect machine of his
His weapon
His red-headed champion
This weapon of pleasure
The engine of love-assaults
Horn-hard gristle
The largeness of his machine
A hard thick body
A column of the whitest Ivory
Stiff staring truncheon, red topped
His drawn weapon
Essential object of enjoyment
A stiff hard body
A maypole of so enormous a standard
A breadth of animated Ivory
An object of terror and delight
Oversized machine
This furious engine
Unwieldy machine
Monstrous machine
Furious battering ram
Conduit pipe
The proud distinction of his sex
Pleasing object of all my wishes
The King member
Long white staff
Genuine sensitive plant
Standard of distinction
The battering piece
Stiff stake
Vagina
Greasy landscape
Grizzly bush
Small tender part
Red centred cleft of flesh
Invisible slit
Recently opened wound
That soft passage
Wounded torn passage
Torn tender folds
Centre of attraction
The cloven spot
Young novice
Warm and insufficient orifice
The tender opening
Soft strait passage
Flesh wound
Region of delight
Pouting-lipped mouth
Soft pleasure-conduit
A furnace-mouth
Pleasure-thirsty channel
Nether mouth
Minute opening
Soft laboratory of love
Cloven inlet
Treasury of love
Rose-lipt overture
Tender furrow
Organ of bliss
Soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure
