Schmerz Möbel May 2020 Schmerz Möbel is a furniture sculptor, performance artist, welder, dance pedagogue, choreographer and (ex)sex worker.
I completed my training as a welder in 2011 and then made plans to start my own business making SM furniture to give the most diverse sexual fantasies a real playground, moving away from the usual BDSM equipment that reminds you of a fitness-studio towards very original, individual and playful works of art. I now work as a freelance artist in multi-layered ways, both working on and with my sculptures.
I cross boundaries in many ways. Not only am I a welding woman, which is unfortunately considered atypical, but I openly pull my sexuality inside-out, and thus scratch on the good old wallpaper of our society’s bedroom, which is made of normative values and morals.
BDSM is a pathway to liminal experiences, and for me, this means (apart from an ecstatic state of intoxication) an active confrontation with the inner world, as well as an opportunity to turn things upside-down. Nowhere are contradictions unified more clearly than in the act of transforming pain into something positive. I also use this in my performances as a means to deal with complex and elusive themes. I aim to visualise them without shying away from political issues. My shows deal with identity, gender roles, psychiatry, alienation, the culture industry, manipulation, and capitalism. To me, this part of my artistic work has come to signify self-realization on a welding machine.
SEXWORK – Since art never offered financial security
In sex work, I first worked as a table dancer and then as a dominatrix with tantric elements. Switching from table dance to working as dominatrix considerably improved my work/life situation. I was able to work independently, create a respectful atmosphere, earn more money and was spared from intrusive behaviour of customers. It also relieved me from constant hangovers, since in table dance a good salary also depends on the degree of your drunkenness, as you are paid for drinking, after all.
I no longer work in sex work, which is due to a childhood trauma (sexual abuse) that burst open and brought to light my own story that had been hidden for over 30 years. I recognized the associated long-term consequences and wasn’t able any longer to pursue this job without damaging myself. It should be noted that I do not feel (even in retrospect) that the practice of sex work was traumatizing or retraumatizing. It often was a very nice, instructive time to me, with nice customer contact, a time full of respect and honesty. I am grateful to have recognized and now banished the core of my own masochistic inclinations through this “mirror” of my masochistic clientele.
This is a deeply personal story, and should not lead to the assumption that masochism or sex work are automatically linked to traumatic experiences. Masochism, for example, also occurs in the animal kingdom, so perhaps it is something natural? In my case it is something I have acquired and that I know have left behind me. And then there are my art works, which bear witness to this story of pain and the hard work it meant to come to terms with my past. They also display the beauty that grew out of this. They also are my tribute to the joy that free lust entails. We are not victims for life, we are forges of ourselves, and even hard steel can be transformed.
In love we dream in pain we trust.