Schmerz Möbel is a furniture sculptor, performance artist, welder, dance pedagogue, choreographer and (ex)sex worker.
Schmerz Möbel
Ist SM-Möbel Bildhauerin and Performance-Künstlerin. Schweißerin, Tanzpädagogin und Choreographin, (Ex-)Sexarbeiterin.
Schmerz Möbel is a furniture sculptor, performance artist, welder, dance pedagogue, choreographer and (ex)sex worker.
I completed my training as a welder in 2011 and then made plans to start my own business making SM furniture to give the most diverse sexual fantasies a real playground, moving away from the usual BDSM equipment that reminds you of a fitness-studio towards very original, individual and playful works of art. I now work as a freelance artist in multi-layered ways, both working on and with my sculptures.
I cross boundaries in many ways. Not only am I a welding woman, which is unfortunately considered atypical, but I openly pull my sexuality inside-out, and thus scratch on the good old wallpaper of our society’s bedroom, which is made of normative values and morals.
BDSM is a pathway to liminal experiences, and for me, this means (apart from an ecstatic state of intoxication) an active confrontation with the inner world, as well as an opportunity to turn things upside-down. Nowhere are contradictions unified more clearly than in the act of transforming pain into something positive. I also use this in my performances as a means to deal with complex and elusive themes. I aim to visualise them without shying away from political issues. My shows deal with identity, gender roles, psychiatry, alienation, the culture industry, manipulation, and capitalism. To me, this part of my artistic work has come to signify self-realization on a welding machine.
SEXWORK – Since art never offered financial security
In sex work, I first worked as a table dancer and then as a dominatrix with tantric elements. Switching from table dance to working as dominatrix considerably improved my work/life situation. I was able to work independently, create a respectful atmosphere, earn more money and was spared from intrusive behaviour of customers. It also relieved me from constant hangovers, since in table dance a good salary also depends on the degree of your drunkenness, as you are paid for drinking, after all.
I no longer work in sex work, which is due to a childhood trauma (sexual abuse) that burst open and brought to light my own story that had been hidden for over 30 years. I recognized the associated long-term consequences and wasn’t able any longer to pursue this job without damaging myself. It should be noted that I do not feel (even in retrospect) that the practice of sex work was traumatizing or retraumatizing. It often was a very nice, instructive time to me, with nice customer contact, a time full of respect and honesty. I am grateful to have recognized and now banished the core of my own masochistic inclinations through this “mirror” of my masochistic clientele.
This is a deeply personal story, and should not lead to the assumption that masochism or sex work are automatically linked to traumatic experiences. Masochism, for example, also occurs in the animal kingdom, so perhaps it is something natural? In my case it is something I have acquired and that I know have left behind me. And then there are my art works, which bear witness to this story of pain and the hard work it meant to come to terms with my past. They also display the beauty that grew out of this. They also are my tribute to the joy that free lust entails. We are not victims for life, we are forges of ourselves, and even hard steel can be transformed.
In love we dream in pain we trust.
Ich schloss 2011 meine Ausbildung als Schweißerin ab und fasste danach den Plan, mich mit dem Bau von SM-Möbeln selbstständig zu machen, um den vielfältigsten sexuellen Fantasien einen realen Spielplatz zu geben. Weg von dem üblichen Fitnessstudio-anmutenden BDSM Gerätschaften, hin zu sehr originellen, individuellen und bespielbaren Kunstwerken.
Mittlerweile arbeite ich als freischaffende Künstlerin in vielschichtiger Weise an und mit meinen Skulpturen. Ich überschreite hierbei in mehrfacher Hinsicht Grenzen. Nicht nur, dass ich als Frau schweiße (was leider immer noch als untypisch gilt), ich kehre meine Sexualität offen nach außen und kratze damit an der guten Sitten-Tapete der Norm-gebenden Schlafzimmerwand.
BDSM ist ein Weg zu Grenzerfahrungen und bedeutete für mich (abgesehen von einem extatischen Rauschzustand) eine aktive Auseinandersetzung mit der inneren Welt und den Möglichkeit, die Dinge zu verkehren. Nirgends werden Widersprüche deutlicher vereint als in dem Akt, Schmerz in etwas Positives umzuwandeln.
Ich nutze dies in meinen Performances als Mittel, um komplexe, schwer fassbare Themen zu visualisieren. Ich schrecke hier nicht vor politischen Themen zurück. In meinen Shows setze ich mich immer wieder kritisch mit Identität, Geschlechterrollen, -Konstruktionen, Psychiatrie, Entfremdung, Kulturindustrie, Manipulation, Gesellschaftssystem, Kapitalismus u.a. auseinander. Dieser Teil meines künstlerischen Schaffens ist mir ebenso wichtig geworden, wie die Selbstverwirklichung am Schweißgerät.
SEXARBEIT – Da Kunst ja bekanntlich eine brotlose ist
In der Sexarbeit arbeitete ich erst als Tabledancerin und dann als Domina mit tantrischen Elementen. Der Wechsel von Tabledance zu meiner Domina-Tätigkeit stellte eine erhebliche Verbesserung meiner Arbeits- und Lebenssituation dar. Ich konnte selbstbestimmt arbeiten, eine respektvolle Atmosphäre schaffen, mehr Geld verdienen und blieb von übergriffigem Verhalten der Kundschaft sowie von ständigen Katern verschont – da im Tabledance ein gutes Gehalt auch vom Grad deiner Betrunkenheit abhängt, wirst du fürs Saufen doch bezahlt.
Ich arbeite mittlerweile nicht mehr in der Sexarbeit, was auf ein Kindheitstrauma (sexueller Mißbrauch) zurückzuführen ist, welches aufbrach und meine über lange Jahre verschollene Geschichte zutage brachte. Mit dieser neu erworbenen Kenntnis meiner eigenen über 30 Jahre verdrängten Vergangenheit und den damit zusammenhängenden Spätfolgen, sah ich mich nicht mehr imstande, dem Job nachzugehen.
Wohlgemerkt empfinde ich (auch rückblickend) Sexarbeit nicht als traumatisierend oder re-traumatisierend. Es war ein sehr schöne, lehrreiche Zeit, mit nettem Kundenkontakt, voller Respekt und Ehrlichkeit und ich bin dankbar dafür, durch diesen „Spiegel“ meiner masochistischen Kundschaft den Kern meiner eigenen masochistischen Neigung erkannt und nun auch verbannt zu haben.
Dies stellt eine zutiefst persönliche Geschichte dar, die nicht besagt, dass Sexarbeit oder Masochismus per se traumatisierende Erlebnisse bedingen. Masochismus z.B. kommt auch im Tierreich vor – vielleicht ist es etwas Natürliches (?). In meinem Falle ist es etwas An-Erlerntes, von dem ich mich nun trennte. Was bleibt, sind meine Werke, die eine Geschichte von der Auseinandersetzung mit dem Schmerz und der Arbeit bezeugen, eine Aufarbeitung meiner Vergangenheit bedeuten und auch für das Schöne einstehen, das daraus erwachsen kann. Sie zeugen auch von der Lust an der freien Lust. Wir sind keine Opfer auf Lebenszeit, wir sind Schmiede unserer Selbst, und auch harter Stahl läßt sich umformen.
In love we dream in pain we trust
I completed my training as a welder in 2011 and then made plans to start my own business making SM furniture to give the most diverse sexual fantasies a real playground, moving away from the usual BDSM equipment that reminds you of a fitness-studio towards very original, individual and playful works of art. I now work as a freelance artist in multi-layered ways, both working on and with my sculptures.
I cross boundaries in many ways. Not only am I a welding woman, which is unfortunately considered atypical, but I openly pull my sexuality inside-out, and thus scratch on the good old wallpaper of our society’s bedroom, which is made of normative values and morals.
BDSM is a pathway to liminal experiences, and for me, this means (apart from an ecstatic state of intoxication) an active confrontation with the inner world, as well as an opportunity to turn things upside-down. Nowhere are contradictions unified more clearly than in the act of transforming pain into something positive. I also use this in my performances as a means to deal with complex and elusive themes. I aim to visualise them without shying away from political issues. My shows deal with identity, gender roles, psychiatry, alienation, the culture industry, manipulation, and capitalism. To me, this part of my artistic work has come to signify self-realization on a welding machine.
SEXWORK – Since art never offered financial security
In sex work, I first worked as a table dancer and then as a dominatrix with tantric elements. Switching from table dance to working as dominatrix considerably improved my work/life situation. I was able to work independently, create a respectful atmosphere, earn more money and was spared from intrusive behaviour of customers. It also relieved me from constant hangovers, since in table dance a good salary also depends on the degree of your drunkenness, as you are paid for drinking, after all.
I no longer work in sex work, which is due to a childhood trauma (sexual abuse) that burst open and brought to light my own story that had been hidden for over 30 years. I recognized the associated long-term consequences and wasn’t able any longer to pursue this job without damaging myself. It should be noted that I do not feel (even in retrospect) that the practice of sex work was traumatizing or retraumatizing. It often was a very nice, instructive time to me, with nice customer contact, a time full of respect and honesty. I am grateful to have recognized and now banished the core of my own masochistic inclinations through this “mirror” of my masochistic clientele.
This is a deeply personal story, and should not lead to the assumption that masochism or sex work are automatically linked to traumatic experiences. Masochism, for example, also occurs in the animal kingdom, so perhaps it is something natural? In my case it is something I have acquired and that I know have left behind me. And then there are my art works, which bear witness to this story of pain and the hard work it meant to come to terms with my past. They also display the beauty that grew out of this. They also are my tribute to the joy that free lust entails. We are not victims for life, we are forges of ourselves, and even hard steel can be transformed.
In love we dream in pain we trust.
